I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
