remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hippo gnu deer
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
