He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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