I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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