I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
