the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
dude. I can hear the air.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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