he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
