if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
