Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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