I think I am morally bankrupt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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