gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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