i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
