so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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