sarcasm needs its own font
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
