If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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