I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
