I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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