I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
