Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
