I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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