she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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