You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
