I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
