clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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