ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
