How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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