Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
