I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
