So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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