I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
