I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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