I'm jealous of your bromance
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
