You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
