If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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