drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
