Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
