If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
