booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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