Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
