She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
