The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
