My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
