I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
