but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
