I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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