Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
