batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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