dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
