Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Moan for me like Helen Keller
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
did i walk over a car last night?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
