if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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